Saturday, January 16, 2010


So I finally feel stable enough to write on this thing again.

Lately I've been pretty frustrated. Which, I guess is understandable having moved to the other side of the world. It's taken me about a month or so to really wrap my head around my future and lay some plans. This whole move has really shaken my basis of reality, and made me really question my direction in life in terms of location, relationships, my work ethic, and career choices. It's been real tough trying to figure everything out.

I'm realizing that while I like living overseas, Eindhoven is not the place for me. It's been difficult finding work, and quite intimidating looking for restaurant jobs or anything of that like because I don't speak Dutch (well, the Dutch I speak is limited to ordering food and simple things, no conversations yet). No work means no money, leading to a feeling of helplessness and dependency. Not enjoyable. Also from traveling around quite a bit I would really like to live in a city with a bit more of an international feel. I'm not the happiest when I'm here.

I went home over Christmas holidays, and I didn't realize how much I missed Calgary. Edmonton is nice to visit, but Calgary will always have a special place in my heart, because it's home. And it's big enough to have a semi-large city feel to it, which I like. I also miss the close proximity to the mountains, and believe it makes winter that much more bearable.

A slight comparison to here, where it rained, then sleeted, then snowed, then rain tonight between 5pm and 11pm. And it's chilly. That humidity...

So as I enter into my second half of my year permit to live here, I have to start thinking about what to do next. If I don't have a job, I can't stay (I have to prove sufficient financial means to live here). So unless I find a job elsewhere, I'll probably head back to Canada. Which I am ok with. I wouldn't mind living there for a year, getting some coin, then thinking about heading out into the world again for work or for school. This has been a good test at living abroad and I definitely want to live outside of Canada again, but a bit of time back at home would be alright. At the very least I'll be able to look at potential places to live and work first before heading out, and go about moving in a different way.

I've got a lot of choices to make in the near-ish future. I like this freedom I have right now, but at the same time, I would really like to feel at least a little bit of comfort and direction in my life. A year ago all I was focused on was getting over here, and now I'm not sure where I should go, what I should do. I've been looking into a lot of possibilities and have a few good ideas so that's nice.

I know this post was a bit heavy, but it's a part of living over here and important to express. But if being over here has taught me anything, it's to jump into whatever I do with passion and ambition, and really go past what I feel is comfortable. And that makes me feel able to do anything.

Anyways, there is more going on in my life that I want to share, but I just wanted to get that off my chest for now. There'll be something more lighthearted next time, I promise.